Friday, 18 September 2009

If life went backwards

I read a book slaughter house 5 which puts forward the idea of the time as something aliens can see all of it at once and choose which parts to look at. So don’t be sad at the bad things but just look at the happy things.

One part talks about watching a film going backwards and the 2nd world war involved planes sucking up bombs from destroyed cities and repairing them.

Baywatch going backwards

In Baywatch Hasslehoff would go about the beach, give people the kiss of life and then take them out to water to try and drown them before they could finally escape his grasp and head on back to dry land.


In the backwards world, books are loathed. People spend hours unwritting the foul things. Any books found in a house, are returned to shops where they reward you by exchanging the books for money


People in the backwards world feel sorry for employers and as a favour they work for them 37.5 hours a week and then pay them for the privledge.


One of the most boring pastimes, every single match ends in a nil – nil draw. The league is staggered with some teams starting with more points to get rid of than others but slowly over the season it all balances out and each season ends with all the teams level on zero points.

Eating is terrible.

We go into the toilet, throw some water down the sink, put some soap into a small dispenser using the sucking motion on the top. We then start to take used pieces of toilet paper out of the toilet and then wipe the shit onto are arse, after a while, we take suck a turd clean out of the toilet into are arse!!! After a while we then vomit up whole meals and small pieces of food which we carefully piece together and often wrap up and put on shelves for other people to buy.

Life backwards

Often some people wake up in old folks homes surrounded by these weird old people, who can bearly look after themselves and piss and shit themselves and generally talk crap and believe TV people are real. Some of them keep talking about premonitions of a war that is going to happen. It’s sounds great, this bloke called Hitler, revives millions of people and even makes some Jewish people out of bars of soap. Hitler isn’t happy with this and also invents a shower that you put dead people in, sucks the gas out of the air and they all come back to life. In the backwards world Hitler is one of the most celebrated people, where as Oscar schindler is reviled for making a huge list of people who he sends back to prison. The story of Anne frank is very unusual, she gets revived in a prisoner of war camp and then hides away in a small loft hidden from everyone and unwrites her famous diary until she is a no one again.

Doctors are considered evil. People who have recovered from an illness visit them, only to find the doctor infects them with it. The only way around this is to go home, live your life until the symptoms disappear.

Old people get visited by family members until one day they take them out of the old folks home, you feel a lot better and have more energy. You slowly start to build up your energy and sanity levels until finally you get up enough strength to go to work. Often you will have a good job on excellent pay despite having no experience. No experience is considered the most valuable thing in backwards world. Slowly as you build up more experience you become less valuable and then on a yearly basis your employee meets you for your pay review meeting and they slowly reduce you wages through your life until in the end they sack you. You get disenchanted and see no other choice than going to University, initially you work really hard but then the more you stay at university the less and less work you do, until you get to your final year where you spend most of the time mucking about, not working, drinking beer and shagging women. Finally university get sick of you and chuck you out. Not to be put off you give education another chance and go to school. Same old story, work hard to begin with and then slowly work less and less until they get sick of you and chuck you out. It’s your last chance with education now and you give primary school ago, same story and finally they chuck you out. You give up on school altogether and you just sit around and play. Because of your failure in education people think you are stupid and talk to you in baby language and patronize you by congratulating you on walking and saying simple words.